I Don't Blame You - A Poem

I don’t blame you for the things you’ve done,
no I don’t blame you for a single one.
You weren’t yourself when you did those things,
the person I know loves, hugs, and sings,
she’s good, she sacrifices, and she cares,
she’s not the cruel words and rage-filled stares.
 
I didn’t understand why you would be so hurtful,
we seemed to be living in a vicious circle,
one that never seemed to end,
going around and around, again and again.
 
There’s an anger inside you,
a resentment that nothing can cut through.
You lash out, full of unhealthy emotion,
your anger a volcanic explosion.
 
Living with you is like living in a minefield
without any armor, no helmet or shield,
never knowing what would set you off,
wondering when there’d be a standoff.
 
I learned to be quiet and invisible,
to my heart, emotions weren’t admissible.
I learned to be the opposite of you,
I can control my emotions the way you wouldn’t do.
I refuse to allow anything or anyone to anger me,
I strive to be emotionally stable, because you could never be.
 
I hold no anger towards you,
though I find resentment still sneaks through,
for the mental anguish and the damaging of our young intellects,
the road is hell where anger and untreated mental illness intersect.
 
Now that I’m older, I can understand why you are the way you are,
for you bear your own childhood’s traumas and scars,
the resentments, the hurts, the insecurities,
you carry around your own impurities
imposed upon you by those who hurt you.
But when will this cycle be through?
 
No, I don’t blame you for the things you do,
instead I choose to forgive and love you,
but vow to not be like you, to end this cycle that is generational.
No more anger or vitriolic words, no untrusting heart that is confrontational.
 
Peace, gentleness, and kindness are the only ways forward,
 there’s no going backward,
for the sake of body and spirit,
there’s a way out and we should not fear it.

​                                                                                 ~ By Liz Austin 2018