 I don’t blame you for the things you’ve done,
no I don’t blame you for a single one. You weren’t yourself when you did those things, the person I know loves, hugs, and sings, she’s good, she sacrifices, and she cares, she’s not the cruel words and rage-filled stares. I didn’t understand why you would be so hurtful, we seemed to be living in a vicious circle, one that never seemed to end, going around and around, again and again. There’s an anger inside you, a resentment that nothing can cut through. You lash out, full of unhealthy emotion, your anger a volcanic explosion. Living with you is like living in a minefield without any armor, no helmet or shield, never knowing what would set you off, wondering when there’d be a standoff. I learned to be quiet and invisible, to my heart, emotions weren’t admissible. I learned to be the opposite of you, I can control my emotions the way you wouldn’t do. I refuse to allow anything or anyone to anger me, I strive to be emotionally stable, because you could never be. I hold no anger towards you, though I find resentment still sneaks through, for the mental anguish and the damaging of our young intellects, the road is hell where anger and untreated mental illness intersect. Now that I’m older, I can understand why you are the way you are, for you bear your own childhood’s traumas and scars, the resentments, the hurts, the insecurities, you carry around your own impurities imposed upon you by those who hurt you. But when will this cycle be through? No, I don’t blame you for the things you do, instead I choose to forgive and love you, but vow to not be like you, to end this cycle that is generational. No more anger or vitriolic words, no untrusting heart that is confrontational. Peace, gentleness, and kindness are the only ways forward, there’s no going backward, for the sake of body and spirit, there’s a way out and we should not fear it. ~ By Liz Austin 2018
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 Trapped in between walls made of stone,
in solitary confinement, left all alone, left to contemplate my life, sins, and actions, when life is constricted to a cell there are no distractions. Some say I just snapped, others that I’m insane, but all I was trying to do was kill the pain. For years I lived in torment and in fear, lived through the yelling and the tears, the broken bones and the bruises, in life like this, a girl always loses her dignity, her strength, her will. It was the pain I was trying to kill. Suffering in silence, living in quiet shame, only I knew where to lay the blame. One late night I had a long talk with God, I read his words, how he used a staff and a rod. “Vengeance is mine”, I took it to heart, that powerful line. I only wanted to break the chain, I just wanted to kill the pain. He came home the next night, he was raging mad and looking for a fight. He had no idea what he was in for when he came barreling through the door. Nothing to lose and freedom to gain, All I wanted to do was kill the pain. He lay there motionless on the floor, I felt I had finally settled the score. They found me with the Magnum in my hand, I had already taken my stand. They asked why I done it, they asked me to explain, I told them that I had finally killed the pain….. ~ By Liz Austin 2018  ** Just a note before reading this: This isn't a personal experience, my mental health is in fine shape, I'm merely stepping into someone else's shoes to create a story that is all too real for some, but aim to give those people hope. It's dark at first, but if you stick with it, the end is good. ;) Thanks for reading! You put a gun to my head,
life is too hard, you choose death instead. Your life seems like a living hell with no way out, no one can hear you yell, no one hears you shout, for the peace you desperately want, for the help you need. The darkness won’t release you, no matter how much you plead. So you put a gun to my head. I don’t have a choice, you don’t hear my voice, as I plead for my life, you can’t see past the strife. I’m an innocent who needs to be saved, for too long, to this darkness you’ve been enslaved, so you put a gun to my head. The darkness tells you they’d all be better off, if you shared your problems, they’d just scoff. this is the only way out, the right thing to do, nobody cares what happens to you. The darkness keeps hovering and whispering, no way to silence it, no way to stop listening. So you put a gun to my head. I am a living soul, a human being, I am important, I am worth seeing, look in the mirror, see me in your eyes, I am there, look past the hurt and the lies. I am precious, I am loved, though I can be pushed, I can be shoved, I can be broken, I can be shattered, but my life, my worth, they still matter, and I will rise again and again, as sure as the sun. So please don’t pull that trigger, because life is so much bigger than just these dark moments. You are not my opponent, those dark thoughts and feelings are. Reach out, for help is never too far. Don’t let the darkness consume you, don’t allow its vicious lies get through, don’t put that gun to my head. I am your heart, I am your soul, I may be beaten and cracked with holes, but through the holes, that’s how the light gets in. Peace, Joy, and Love will follow, darkness won’t win, the first 3 are gifts, the darkness already overcome, by the love of the Father and sacrifice of the Son. You look at me in your reflection, I see your haunted eyes, they need affection. Someone to tell you it’s alright, to assure you the world is bright. You hear me whisper to you, I just might be getting through, you finally put down the gun, and instead, turn to the Father and the Son. You put the gun away, you won’t need it anymore, He will fight for you, as He has promised before. ~ By Liz Austin 2018 “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:14  The trouble with a dog is that he always wants more.
Give him a bone, throw him a ball, but in return, he’ll give you his all. The trouble with a dog is that he wants constant love. Lots of rubbing and petting is what he needs, but in return, your feelings he learns to read. Yes, he’ll know when to comfort and when to cheer, A dog who loves you is always near. The trouble with a dog is that he costs so much. Vet bills, food bills, beds, and toys, but my how he fills your life with joy. The trouble with a dog is that he doesn’t live forever. He moves into your life and your heart, you fall madly in love right from the start, but a time will come far too soon that will leave your heart in a state of gloom. The trouble with dogs is that forever still wouldn’t be enough. Love and loyalty, adventures and fun, late night snuggles and playing under the sun, furry hugs and sloppy kisses, those are the things that one misses. The best thing about a dog is that his love and memories last, though the years seem to go by awfully fast. He’s certainly worth the heartbreak later on, You’ll cherish your time with him long after he’s gone. So love him and cherish him while he’s still here, play and have fun without any fear, kiss, snuggle, pet, and love your furry angel sent from above. ~ Liz Austin 2018  Once again, he was down in front,
up close and would take the brunt of whatever danger handed him, willing to risk life and limb. This was the way they worked, where ever danger lurked, him up close, her at a distance, it usually worked in every instance. They used each other’s strengths, and would go to great lengths to protect each other and come out on top, and would stand their ground ‘til the last shot. He was up close, good at the draw, he handled his pistols without a flaw. She was at a distance, usually up high, sharp shooter with a rifle and quick as a sigh. Together they were a powerful force, of people’s awe, they were the source. Who knew a man and woman could work so well together? That they could navigate the dangers and all kinds of stormy weather. Partners against the foe, traveling to new places, two of a kind, no doubt a pair of aces. ~ Liz Austin 2018 |
AuthorBorn and raised in Upstate NY, Liz is a freelance writer. She has written for websites, blogs, and magazines for the last 10 years. She works as a freelance writer and editor, as well as a proofreader and beta reader for several authors, all the while working on her first book. Archives
July 2020
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