To say that 2019 was a really hard year would be putting it mildly. There were periods during the year when I honestly didn't know how I was going to get through it. 2019 was a year of illness, pain, letdowns, and change.
The year started out hard, as I found myself dealing with gallbladder issues and constant pain. I spent February looking into alternative treatments for my chronic illness, which I learned this year is Fibromyalgia. I first went to a neurologist, who suggestion injecting nerve blockers into my neck to get rid of the pain. Needless to say, I wasn't super keen on that idea and decided to explore other options. I soon found myself in a chiropractor's office...... It was there that I finally found some relieve and a few answers, for which I'm very thankful. That was a blessing in this hard year.
I started feeling a bit better and wanted to get back on track with my health and fitness. I'd been wanting to start hiking again, so in early March, I started easing myself back into that. I picked a fairly even grade up back of my house (which is all woods and mountain) and worked from there. I felt pretty good for most of March, like I was finally getting back to my normal self. Then April came.
By the time April came around, I started to feel very lousy pretty quickly. At first, I just attributed it to a flare up of the chronic illness, but then things got worse and I felt that this time was different, that there was something more behind it. By the time May rolled around, I could barely walk, was super ill, and was having passing out spells. I felt as though my heart couldn't keep up with the rest of me. On top of that, my migraines, of which I've suffered from for years, got worse. I finally broke down and got checked out, knowing that this was definitely NOT a flare up.
In May, I went to the Urgent Care Center. After explaining my symptoms to both the nurse and the doctor, the doctor literally looked me up and down, and said, "Well, I don't know what to tell you, you look fine." It was only at my very stern insistence that he, begrudgingly, ordered an EKG. The EKG came back with abnormalities. Evidently, my heart was indeed running slower than it should. The doctor then ordered blood tests to see what was going on. The diagnosis soon followed: It was Lyme's Disease. I was put on a round of antibiotics........ and then three more.
May through September, I battled Lyme's disease, the effects of the disease (and the antibiotics), and the damages it did. The whole summer is just one awful blur to me. Nothing really sticks out. I spent a lot of time in bed or in the ER, nothing else was done or accomplished. Since then, I've been trying to get back on my feet, which took longer than I was expecting. You see, the Lyme did some damage that's irreversible. It also brought on three of the worst Fibro flareups that I've had in years. My Autumn was spent mending and again, in bed.
While this month (December) seems to have brought improvement in my health (I finally feel like I'm getting back on my feet), it has also been spent learning to function again and more importantly, how to live and work around the issues caused by both the Lyme and Fibro flareups. I know this will take time, and though it's frustrating to me, I know there's no other way. I feel as though this year was a big waste. I accomplished nothing. I spent most of this year just surviving. But I guess that's the key: I did survive.. and maybe I'm stronger for it (though I don't feel like I am currently).
Though this year was one of the hardest I've had so far, I'd also like to acknowledge a few good and fun things that happened. For starters, I had made the decision to try to broaden my horizon color scheme wise. As an Enneagram 5, I'm known to stick to basic colors in my wardrobe... mainly black, with a little pink mixed in. They've always been my two main colors. This year I made myself step out of my comfort zone and try some new colors and patterns, and I'm quite happy with the outcome. I also cut way back on my use of makeup this year, which I felt was a needed change. I wanted to be more authentic and didn't want to feel like I "needed" to wear it. I've learned to feel a little more confident in my own skin this year.
While I did spend the majority of this year sick and in bed, I did have some good, quiet times with my faithful furry companion, my little shepherd Beau. I also managed to get out and do a few fun things like: going fishing (only once this year, sadly); going to the county fair with my kid sister, where she won me a stuffed llama; and going to the Wool & Arts festival this September. These activities may not sound like much, but to me they were sweet blessings.
So while I'm definitely ready to see the back of 2019 and look towards the hope of 2020, I would like to thank God for another year (hard as it was) on this earth, for good friends and family who've been supportive this whole year, my faithful little companion Beau, and Hope. Hope for health, hope for growth and forward movement in the year to come, hope for opportunities..... and Hope in God. That He is who He says He is, and always will be.
Here's to a New Year full of new hopes and new mercies!
Born and raised in Upstate NY, Liz is a freelance writer. She has written for websites, blogs, and magazines for the last 10 years. She also acts as a proofreader and beta reader for several authors, all the while working on her first book.